


Every One a Rager

by Youngbloodrage



Category: The Iliad - Homer, The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, M/M, Multi, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-22 06:35:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2498171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youngbloodrage/pseuds/Youngbloodrage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which Troy and Greece are rival colleges and  Menelaus throws a wicked party to get Helen back. Antics ensue and nobody dies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Prologue

Menelaus's methods were slightly unorthodox. But he really, really, really missed Helen. Like really. It had been two whole weeks since she had slipped out of his room while he was passed out. That had been the longest he had gone without seeing her since they started to date a year and a half ago.  
That was practically married. A year and a half, out the window, along with the love of his life. And that was the worst part. She ran away with Paris. Paris. Helen leaving was heart breaking, but Paris? Paris was a slap in the face.

So Menelaus had a plan. It was not the smartest plan, no, he wasn't Odysseus. This wasn't clever or sly; this plan was rash and stupid. It was brave.

"There is no way you are throwing a party on the Troy campus," Diomedes said.  
"You're my brother and I love you, but that's fucking insane," Agamemnon added.  
"You all agreed when I started dating Helen, if anything went wrong you would help me out"  
"First thing, we were all drunk as hell" That was Odysseus, the slick bastard he was. "And second, that was before I was in a very happy relationship with a woman who lives an hour away from the Trojans. "  
Odysseus started dating Penelope, the only person he would admit was as smart as him, only a month after Menelaus had gotten with Helen. The only problem was she lived an hour away, majoring in women's' studies at a reasonably not all-male college.  
"It doesn't matter how drunk or shirtless you were-"  
"Shirtless?" Diomedes asked.  
" Achilles was there. So was Patroclus."  
"Ah"  
"No matter the conditions. A promise is a promise." 

A week later they were equipped with provisions, weaponry, and the fiercest army the tri state area had ever seen. Well, they brought beer, a killer sound system, and a horde of frat boys.  
It was 6 o'clock on a Saturday night when the best greece had to offer rolled onto the quad of Troy and pledged to stay until Helen came back or they died trying.


	2. Dropping Glasses Just to Hear Them Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Odysseus wishes he was at home, Patroclus pines, and there is no difference between classic heroes and drunk college students. I think the Greeks would have thrown wild raves.

This was the trashiest party the Trojan campus had in years. The brick laid path that had stood for centuries was now littered in plastic cups, urine, and various undergarments. Dionysus himself would be jealous.  
Agamemnon had done a better job planning the party than anyone had expected. People had showed up for one thing, even though half of them were the guys who wanted to date Helen a year ago and their army of drunk students. They would rather see Helen date Menelaus than a Trojan.  
And the rest of them? They just showed up. Agamemnon liked to think it was his call to arms that brought them, but more than likely they found it as an excuse to do what they did best. Complete destruction.

And destroy they did. There were fires in the trash cans and graffiti on a statue of Apollo. Dorms had been raided for liquor and valuables. Most of the women (some of the men too) had been slept with. Diomedes said there had been a brick through the window somewhere.  
One would think the teachers and deans would try to put a stop to it, but no. The only one to be seen was Aphrodite, with a faint smile on her lips and an impressed look in her eyes, like everything was going better than she had expected.

Achilles was untouchable. That was what everyone said. Golden boy of the Greek campus and head of the track team, he was practically a god. Patroclus felt lucky really, just to get to hang around someone who had an ever present glow about him.  
Patroclus stared at Achilles who was moving his way across the makeshift dance floor, flowing in time to the music, graceful and hypnotizing. Even from where he stood Patroclus could feel the warmth that radiated off him.  
Patroclus and Achilles were roommates. They had grown up together. There was no one he knew better than Achilles, no one who knew Achilles better than Patroclus.  
Something grand kept them tied to each other, this Patroclus knew, but whenever Achilles came near him these thoughts vanished, replaced by him and only him.  
"Patroclus!" Achilles shouted. A radiant smile was on his lips, drawing Patroclus towards him.  
They met halfway, on the outer rings of dancing students, where Achilles threw an arm around Patroclus’s shoulder.  
“This party is insane. Like, I’ve been to a lot of parties, but this one- man, this one is something else,” Achilles said. “It’s like this rager is part of my destiny, y’know?”  
“Bro, it’s just a party” Patroclus shook his head. Gods, he was ridiculous.  
But when he turned and smiled at him? It was like fire had ignited somewhere deep inside in. It wasn't going to burn out anytime soon. 

 

Odysseus leaned against the brick wall of the trojan dorms, some weird drink with vodka and pomegranate juice in hand, listening to Siren Song. Gods, the dj Agamemnon hired sucked. They played the same repetitive club music; it was nothing but a bass line and a high-pitched voice that sang something that sounded like words. It was shit, but the college students acted like it was nectar. They lost the little inhibition they had and grinded against each other.  
Odysseus didn't see the appeal of it. Really, he thought it was awful. Still, he found himself unable to stop tapping his foot and nodding his head.  
"This was not how I thought I would be spending my weekend." Diomedes now leaned against the wall by Odysseus.  
"Nor I," Odysseus replied. "I thought I would be spending time with my girlfriend. You know, the one that _didn't_ leave me for Paris."  
"How is Penelope?"  
Odysseus eyes softened, betraying his usual unreadable expression with warmth. He only got that look about him when someone mentioned Penelope.  
"She is well."  
"That is good"  
"Mmm."  
"Can I ask you something?" Diomedes had leaned in closer, shifting his eyes.  
"Of course," Odysseus replied.  
"Do you think this whole-" Diomedes motioned to the party. "Debacle is going to get Helen back"  
Odysseus had lost the warm look, one of mild contempt replacing it.  
"Honestly, I don't think this is really about getting Helen back."  
"No?"  
"If Penelope left me and I thought I could get her back, this isn't the way I would do it."  
"Well, yeah. Penelope is Penelope. And you, my friend, are you."  
"That's not what I mean. This isn't about Helen. Otherwise, it would be where she was and something she wanted. Think about it, think where we are."  
"Troy," Diomedes mumbled.  
"That" Odysseus shook his head. "That is what this is about"

“What the FUCK are you doing?” A voice screeched. The music cut out shortly after.  
“What the fuck does it look like?”  
Odysseus turned to see that it was Ajax, a cousin of Achilles, that had been standing next to the dj booth when he had been confronted by a Trojan.  
“It looks like you’re people are throwing a party on Trojan grounds that has caused thousand of dollars in property damage.”  
Ajax crossed his arms and made himself taller. “We might be.”  
“Well, Leave,” the kid said.  
“Who the fuck are you to tell us to leave?” Ajax asked.  
“Hector”  
“Shit”  
Hector matched his height to Ajax’s, which was no small feat. “Leave”  
“No,” Ajax spat.  
“I swear to the gods, I call-” Hector didn’t get to finish his threat. Something streaked past his peripheral vision and he dodged it.  
“Did you just- Did you just throw a _rock_ at me?” Hector asked, disbelieving.  
Ajax was unaffected. “Maybe.”  
“What- You know what? I’m leaving.” And Hector, as he promised, walked away.  
The Greeks, as Ajax had promised, stayed there without even the slightest idea of leaving to cross their minds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the bit of Achilles/ Patroclus cheese, but I think even as frat boys Achilles and Patroclus would be very overdramatic.  
> Also, it just occurred to me what poor strategy trying to kill Hector with a rock was. _A rock >_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things happen. Agamemnon has no chill

Menelaus was very pleased at how things were going. Everyone was drunk, the grounds were a mess, and every Trojan in sight had either been fucked or fucked with. The party was a success in every measure but one. In fact, if there was nothing else at stake, Menelaus would have Agamemnon send everyone home. There was one one problem.  
He didn’t have Helen back.  
He hadn’t so much as seen her, much less wooed her away from Troy. That was unfair. The party was awesome. It was the best they’d ever had. Helen would be very impressed, he knew she would. Helen may have not seemed like the type, but Menelaus knew she had a slight streak of chaos in her. Especially when she was the cause of it.   
So where in Hades was she? Off campus? No, Menelaus made certain that Helen was on grounds when they were planning the party. He got reports of it, dammit. Where was she?  
Maybe she was in the dorms, Menelaus thought, the hair on his neck raising. Maybe she was in Paris’s dorm. In his bed, with Paris, doing-  
“Bro,” Diomedes interrupted his thoughts. He was red in the face and breathing heavily “Bro, Agamemnon said there’s an emergency.”  
“What is it?” Menelaus’s thoughts turned immediately to Helen. If she had been hurt, or worse, if Paris had-”  
“We’re out of booze.”

The only person more proud of the party than Menelaus was his brother. It had come together at his hands, his men causing the damage. So when something as idiotic as a shortage of liquor had put the party at a stand-still, he had no choice but to completely and totally deflect the responsibility to someone else.  
“Achilles!” He called.  
The boy emerged from the crowd, faced covered in neon paint. Patroclus trailed behind him.  
“Yeah, bro?”  
“We’ve run out of alcohol.”  
“Sucks bro.”   
“I know.”  
“You’re not ending the party now are you?” Patroclus asked. His face was a mix of disappointment and relief.  
“Of course not. We aren’t leaving until Helen agrees to come back. So, we need someone to do a beer run.”  
“Yeah? And?” Achilles huffed.  
“I was hoping you’d do it”  
“No fucking way I’m leaving now, man. It’s just getting good”  
“I understand, but it will get a lot less good if there’s no more booze.”  
“I don’t see how that’s my problem,” Achilles said.  
Menelaus sighed. He wasn’t expecting this to be easy. Dealing with Achilles very rarely was. He had an enormous ego and walked around like he was the son of a god. Menelaus didn’t have much of a soft spot for the kid.  
“You know that liquor store down on Lemnos Avenue? The shitty one that’s only open when the owners feel like it?”  
Achilles nodded. Patroclus looked bored next to him.  
“Well, you have the best fake ID, and you might be able to use a bit of your track cred to get them to sell to you,” Menelaus explained. If he was to be honest with himself, there was no real reason he was pushing Achilles to buy for them. He just wanted to get the arrogant kid out of his hair a while. Every couple of hours he would come bother him, telling him what he could do better.  
“Fuck no. Find someone else.” With that, Achilles strutted away, a sympathetic Patroclus following him.

Odyseuss was done with this stupid fucking party. The music sucked and there was a rumour that the booze was almost gone. Odyseuss didn’t have a reason to stay if he couldn’t get hammered.  
But still, they all made that stupid fucking pact when Menelaus started to date Helen. A stupid fucking pact that Odyseuss had suggested. That was it, no more oath’s when under the influence.  
They had been at it for hours and there was no Helen in sight. He doubted she would ever show up. And if she did, he doubted she would come back with Menelaus.  
Odyseuss thought Menelaus was a nice enough guy, but he had power issues and treated Helen a bit too much like an object for Odysseus's taste. But he treated her like the nicest object, which Helen seemed to enjoy. Odysseus didn’t bother trying to understand the romance of others. He didn’t quite understand his own.  
He took his phone out of his pocket. It was his only tie to the normal world, the world that didn’t revolve around Troy vs. Greece, and it was at twenty percent battery. At least he had the foresight to bring a charger.  
Going off in search of an outlet, he did the only thing that could still warm him from the inside. He opened up a new text message, typed _Miss you like crazy x_ , and sent it to Penelope. 

Agamemnon was furious. He was in charge of this whole ideal and Achilles had the gall to disobey him. What right did he have to do that? None! Absolutely none.  
Just as he was storming toward Menelaus, hoping to rallying him onto his side, a light poke landed on the side of his arm. He turned to see Patroclus, looking both anxious and angry, as only Patroclus could.   
“Listen, kid, I have no fucking idea where Achilles is, so if you could-”  
“I’m not looking for Achilles,” Patroclus interrupted.  
“Then why are you bothering me?”  
The kid looked around nervously, checking to see if anyone important would overhear him.  
“I’ll go to the liquor store,” He mumbled. “If Achilles won’t.”  
“If he making you do this?”  
“No.” Patroclus laughed.  
“Then why do you want to go?” Agamemnon asked.  
“Does it really mattered to you?” The anxiety had left his voice. The kid just seemed amused now.   
“I guess it doesn’t”  
Agamemnon handed him a roll of twenties he had been keeping in his pocket for situations like this and walked away from the kid.

Patroclus didn’t quite know why he was doing it. All he knew is that someone had to do it and Achilles wouldn’t.   
“Hey,” Achilles called as he jogged up to him. “Wait up.”  
Patroclus stopped and walked to meet him.  
“What’s up?” Achilles asked.  
“Not much. Just thought I’d take a break from the party. It’s getting to be a bit much.”  
“That’s cool. Want me to come with you?”  
The familiar warmth started to spread through his body at the thought of being alone with Achilles. He almost said yes before he remembered the liquor store.  
“No, that’s okay. You can go back to the party.”  
“Cool,” Achilles said. He started to walk away when he seemed to have suddenly remembered something. “Wait!”  
“Yeah?”  
“Take my jacket,” Achilles said, beginning to shrug out of it. “It’s fucking cold out.”  
“Thanks man,” Patroclus replied, taking the jacket from him.   
“No problem.” Achilles eyes were suddenly fixed on the ground in a rare moment of shyness. Patroclus had never seen him look so humbled. “I’ll, uh, see you later, I guess”.  
Patroclus watched as his friend walked away quickly. Looking at the jacket in his hands, he could feel himself blushing. It was the jacket that Achilles received when he joined the track team. His name was stitched in blue letters across the back. Patroclus traced them with his thumb, taking delight in the idea of wearing Achilles prized possession.  
He put it on and it warmed him from head to toe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyy thanks so much for reading

**Author's Note:**

> This was based off a tumblr post that I do not have a link too. Title from the Lorde song Glory and Glore


End file.
